Aesthete & Amateur 10 part 1: Desperate Measures
Fictitious on-going series (continued from Issue#9) of gallery reviews by professional art critic, Eleanor Medier, and her less-than-professional (and proud of it) husband, Heavy Writer.
Desperate Measures by Heavy Writer
Eleanor’s passion for art has always been a challenge for me, and for our bank account. I even encourage her to follow her direction because I like to see her smiling and happy. But when passion turns into obsession, drastic measures are required.
Her last acquisition ruined our finances big-time, but this has happened before, and, in the end, she is the one who makes most of our money. So I’m pretty relaxed about it as long I can still afford to buy my cigs and keep the beer supply in our fridge at a decent level. I’m not the one who buys expensive Italian shoes, designer clothes and jewels, or collectible art. So, the financial crisis affects her harder than it will ever affect me.
What really does disturb me is the sculpture we have in our yard that is bigger than our house, a piece that ruins my morning coffee view, and disturbs our sleep with its bright lights. She purchased this monstrosity in SSJ#9 as part of my “education.” It is almost like a self-growing creature.
It looks like Muddy (our dog) doesn’t appreciate abstract art either, as he can’t get along well with the new yard landscape. All day and night, he howls and barks at the darn sculpture, and he shows his disagreement with Eleanor’s art choices by making the piece his favorite pee spot.
For the last week, Ele has been trying to bribe Muddy with tasty good dog snacks, in the hope he will give a better review for her acquisition. But nothing has worked—both me and Ele were like zombies after seven nights without sleep. At that point, I decided to take the matter into my own hands, and restore the peace in the yard, even with the risk of ending up in a divorce.
I met with a couple of gallery owners to see if any will buy the piece. But I got no offers—not even at half of the price Eleanor paid for the darn thing! They said it is a nice piece, but the logistic costs to move it and store it, will be higher than the value of the piece itself. If Eleanor would have bought a Brancusi, and not a DanCoyote, I’m sure those gallerists sharks would not consider logistic costs!
Desperate times requires desperate measures! When Ele went out of town for some art convention or conference, it gave me a window of opportunity to fix things. First, I loaded every piece of her art collection (except the Hopper) in the back of my beautiful vintage Chevy truck it took months to restore. I drove to the garage where I packed everything into crates, with labels pasted on saying “Original Spare Parts.” Finally, I got them all piled up in the back of my garage.
The next day, armed with a pneumatic hammer, I shook my brains out from sunrise to dawn, breaking up and losing the concrete support of the megalomaniac sculpture Ele dumped in the middle of our garden. Happy with the result, and hoping the darn thing wont crash on top of our house during the night, I went to sleep at a motel for a good night of rest. In the morning, I had a moving company come with a huge helicopter to lift up and dump the sculpture that Eleanor bought with our life savings into Lake Michigan. The entire operation was not cheap, so I had to regretfully sell one of my collectible vintage cars, but at least I got things sorted out and controlled.
After another day of work cleaning the concrete remains from the yard and planting nice fine green grass and flowers to restore the décor, I was ready to welcome my beloved wife home, but thats a story I’ll tell you another time, because now I’m going to enjoy the scenery while having a well-earned beer, or two, or maybe even three. —Heavy Writer
The aesthetic saga continues with:
PART 2: “Focus Wins over Distractions” by Eleanor Medier
PART 3 (in-world only): Amona Savira, The Galleries: East
PART 4: Janine Portal, The Galleries: East
PART 5 (in-world only): Louly Loon, The Galleries: West
PART 6 (online only): Louly Loon at Space 4 Art
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Eleanor Medier (avatar of Liane Sebastian)
Liane Sebastian wears an editor’s hat, designer’s coat, and artist’s shoes.
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